Shark Infested Waters

I’ve been unable to eat or sleep properly since last week when …. Liberty Talent’s David Common suggested I meet Tony Daniels - the Hollywood Superstar.

I’m exhausted with anticipation but ... now the day has finally arrived.

According to Dave, the Hollywood Action Hero (and his very FIT and HANDSOME client) is a keen deep-sea-diver and wants to get up close and personal with Sharks for a factual programme. Strictly speaking he doesn’t need to get wet for this. I can easily introduce him to a few breeds currently patrolling the waters in television.

As I prepare to leave the plush twelfth floor offices of Vanity Productions for the meeting, I quietly grab my bits from my desk in the hope I can just slip out unnoticed. As I do so, The Grunt peers out from his sparkling glass fronted office. He’s spotted me God Damn it. I’m looking unusually shifty and now fear he can smell I’m up to something.

Clocking this, I speed up my movements by throwing my stuff into my beautiful but fake Hermes bag (it’s purple patent-leather. Gorgeous), and make a dash for the Lift.

Jumping in, I breath a sigh of relief. I'd got away without having to explain anything to The Grunt, by the skin of my teeth. I rest back on the carpeted wall. When, just as the doors begin to close ... he appears, as if by magic.

Don’t ask me why BUT ... I pressed the relevant button for the lift doors to open (well he is my boss).

‘Where are you off to in such a rush, Miss Tetley?’ The Grunt says, smiling through his newly veneered sharp-teeth. He’s being uncharacteristically nice today.

‘Hi Gordon. I say smiling genuinely. ‘I’m just having a quick drink with David Common from Liberty Talent to see what’s happening with his clients.’ I reply nonchalantly.

I tell The Grunt (Gordon / my boss) about upcoming talent meetings on a Need to Know Basis.

I realised early on in my employment he gets over excited and then over promises potential access to talent ... usually when chatting to Broadcasters. Not good.

My first (of one too many ) experience happened within forty minutes of my showing The Grunt a prison visiting order from Valentine Moon - the husband of millionaire soap-star Apple Yates (25yrs).

Valentine (28yrs), a film-maker with a serious drug problem was sent down for GBH after he knocked out a taxi-driver who had simply asked for Apple’s autograph.

After I became a very committed pen-pal again - Valentine sent me a visiting order. The meeting was to discuss the details of them filming a fly-on-the-wall reality show, on his release of course.

It was all meant to be CONFIDENTIAL. But The Grunt started a bidding war between all the major broadcasters. The whole episode turned into a right fiasco, resulting in the news being leaked to the press, making the story front page news. Consequently, Britain’s hottest couple pulled out.

In a normal working situation I would love to share the news of exciting upcoming meetings with The Grunt. But … he wants results. My neck is on the line and I can’t chance him innocently cocking things up again.

Exiting the Lift and walking into the reception area, The Grunt continues, ‘David Common is a good contact to have Doris. He says almost encouragingly. ‘If anyone can get access to his A-List clients, it’s YOU.’

Turning his head over his shoulder, as he walks off in the direction of the canteen, he finishes, ‘No pressure.’

NO PRESSURE MY ARSE.

Making my way out of the building and into the autumn sunshine, I was just relieved he didn’t spot the awaiting Addison Lee car (booked to take me to The Ivy Club). It was only last week all Exec’s were told to cut back on their expenses and use public transport due to the credit crunch. Oh well.

I may need to take a beta-blocker to calm my nerves before meeting David and Tony.

I will let you know how it goes later.

Lots of love as always,

Doris x