Closing in on Cowell

.... I’m getting closer to entering Cowell's inner-sanctum. Last night I was invited by my very good friend (and jogging buddy), who happens to be a Top Personal Assistant to a Big Cheese in telly - to join her at the X Factors Results show filmed at Fountain Studios in Wembley.

The evening was HEAT heaven. Whilst in the queue to be seated, we got chatting to This Morning’s showbiz reporter Alice Hammond. Lovely girl. Whose face lit up when she realised my friends connections to GOD (Cowell). In her Brummie accent she asked what she needed to do to ‘get in there’.

Cowell looked fabulous. Sharp, slim, tanned, groomed and VERY RICH. It seems we’ve forgiven him for once owning a fine pair of man boobs and let’s not forget the trousers, worn up to his neck …. because now … the man in GOD. He knows it and so do we lesser mortals.

There was a real buzz as Robbie performed for the first time in years. Is it me or has he turned into Norman Wisdom?

Last year's winner Alexandra Burke also performed on the show. Very good she was too. Louis Walsh voted but was absent after the tragic death of Boyzone star Stephen Gately.

The audience was full of contestants Families and Corporate types. My friend - the Top Personal Assistant and I were seated behind the mum of Edward and John - the twins. I tell you something. I wouldn’t like to meet her down a dark alley. In fact, I don’t fancy GOD’s chances either particularly after his acidic comments about ‘her boys‘. And by the look on her face - something tells me she’ll make it a life mission to give him what for.

The Mini-Minx from ITV (who looked as if she’d borrowed Minnie Mouse’s shoes for the evening) flirted her way through the after show party crowd. At one point she purred over the GAY exec. She’s a one. No man is safe. Watch and learn Doris. Watch and learn.

There were a few minor celebrities there such the fella who plays Bo Selecta, the one with the hips from Girls Aloud and Emma Bunton - who looked as if she hasn‘t eaten since last Christmas. She’s probably been on the Atkins diet in which case I‘m glad we weren’t sat next to her. There was also a person from GMTV but can’t remember his name.

However, the highlight of the evening was meeting The Afro. Who is my favourite to win.