Walkies

The one thing I dread about a meeting with David Common from Liberty Talent is having to dose up on anti-histamines beforehand. The moment I step into his palatial offices on Oxford Street I start sneezing and wheezing. Yes, I’m allergic to dogs and the place is over-run with them.

David LOVES dogs. He currently owns about thirty and the number is rising. From Staffordshire Bull Terriers, Cocker Spaniels, Beagles, Bassett Hounds to Schnauzers. They’ve either been rescued from Dogs homes or brought over from his holiday home in Barbados.

Apart from the allergy. I’m not a big fan of dogs. The only breed I like are Labradors and Golden Retrievers. I don’t see the point in the handbag sized types, recently sported by Cheryl Cole.

On entering David‘s office, I steady myself as the dogs run in between my legs.

‘Do you like Dogs,’ barked David jumping up from his old battered leather chair to greet me. Rather too enthusiastically I reply, ‘I LOVE them. The only thing I regret about living in a one-bed flat without a garden is that I can’t have a dog.’

Sarah Holden - a former Liberty Talent agent once told me how she was ’got rid off’ after a particularly unfortunate incident with four year old Bella, a Schnauzer David had rescued from Battersea Dogs Home.

One of Sarah’s male clients had recommended she try the Atkins diet. He had lost three stone in preparation for a film. Preparing her lunch in the office kitchen she peeled back the plastic from her M & S Turkey slices. Realising she’d left her pot of hummus on her desk she rushed upstairs. On her return Sarah had caught Bella chomping through the Turkey slices (with extra stuffing).

As Sarah shouted, ‘You f***king mangy mutt. I’ll kill you.’ David walked past the kitchen with one of his A - List clients in from LA - also a dog lover.

Although, HR didn’t mention the dog incident as the reason for terminating her contract. Sarah knew her card had been marked from that day on.

On hearing this story I knew I had to LOVE those dogs as much as David, if I was ever to develop a TV show for one of his A - List clients.

Plonking myself down on the giant, well-worn leather sofa in the dusty office. Olivia (PA) hands me a cup of tea. Taking a sip, I place the mug on the floor by my feet. We move straight on to business.

‘Doris. Tony Daniels has just had a film fall through, so he might be up for doing a factual project.’ David stated abruptly with that famous twinkle in his eye.

Tony Daniels is the HOTTEST thing to come out of Chester. The forty year old (newly SINGLE) action hero recently won an Oscar for his role in Spy Movie Gadget Man.

Not believing my ears, I lean forward to reiterate what I‘ve just heard. ‘TONY DANIELS wants to do a FACTUAL programme?‘

‘Yes Doris,’ David grins, ’Tony is a big diver. He wants to get up close and personal with Sharks.‘ Taking a gulp of his tea, he sits back in the battered looking chair and continues. ‘He’s flying in from LA next week. Can you meet him at The Ivy Club?’

‘I don’t know David. I might be busy that day!’ I beam. ‘OF COURSE I can meet him. Thank you.’

Whaaaaa … Hooooooo! This is too good to be true. Just wait until I tell The Grunt.

Desperate for a sip of tea, I lean forward to pick the mug up from the floor. Too late Coca has already beaten me to it.

‘COCA !’ David bellows. ‘You naughty doggie!’