Hogwarts School of Agents & Wizardry

Whilst enroute to The Ivy Club, I text my close friend and Agent to the stars - Teresa O’Riley. I do love dropping in on her at the offices on Piccadilly. It’s regularly Feng Shuied and she has those aromatherapy candles burning - adding calm to the air.

Teresa (40’s), is without question the industry’s most successful female agent. She nurtures talent, brings them through and is now reaping the rewards of years of hard graft, care, stratigising and belief that her clients WILL make it.

She looks after all the TV Greats. Her client list includes, thirty year old former model and now darling of Saturday night telly (on both sides of the pond), Caron Carter. Then there’s self-made Billionaire Donny Bartlett (59), who presents the successful business programme - Table Top Tycoons. His biography, Anyone Can Be As Rich As Me, has just reached No.1 in The Sunday Times bestsellers list.

In all her years of agenting, Teresa has never had a client leave her OR, tried to lure one away from a rival, with the promise of overnight success. Unlike Freddie T, who is well known for nicking clients right from under the nose of rival Agents. He regains his Karma Tokens by sending letters of apology and encourages his latest client to pop along to Great Ormond Street Children's Hospital.

T’s ability to negotiate big money deals on the telephone, whilst at the same time making detailed changes to another clients contract always amazes me.

Walking into the office, I plonk myself down on the long black sofa. Teresa is multi-tasking again, (whilst on a hands-free call with head-set) negotiating the contract for new client, up and coming Children’s TV Presenter Rafferty Doon (also, the son of legendary Irish Rock Star - The Doon).

Then … in an instant … Teresa stops what she is doing. Not believing what she’s just heard on the other end of the phone, she throws her pen onto the desk.

Swivelling back in her leather chair (an expensive one from Liberty’s), she launches like a Spitfire into attack mode, ‘I DON’T CARE IF YOU HAVE TO SMASH OPEN THE KIDS PIGGY BANK WITH A GREAT. BIG. BLOODY. HAMMER. MY CLIENT IS NOT DOING IT FOR THAT ….’

Without notice she disconnects the caller, taking off her head-set and without hesitation, she beams, ‘Hello doll. How are you today?’

I’m sure there is a secret Academy for Agents - a bit like Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I imagine it’s here they are taught negotiating skills and how to multi-task.

On Graduating, they’re presented with the Hogwarts - School of Agents & Wizardry Handbook, which lists every brilliant put-down and one-liner in alphabetical order (for quick reference when coming up against a tricky negotiating scenario). Naturally, the new recruits are also issued with a pair of those bloody hands-free headsets.